Roman

My sweet little Roman, who is actually getting SO big, has really had a hard time this summer. He's my boy and he doesn't like me going to work. Often he'll ask me in the morning ,"Mommy, can you please stay home today?" It breaks my heart. I kept thinking he would adjust, but he really wants me to be home again. Hopefully I will be at some point... hopefully sooner rather than later.

So now that Trey's going to school he's had another adjustment. He seems to be doing okay with that, he really likes being Daddy's buddy throughout the day.

The thing that really gets to me is the sweet, subtle ways he asks for more time and attention. At night we both go upstairs with the boys to pray with them and tuck them in. Roman has always liked me to snuggle with him, but now he asks if I can snuggle "for a couple more minutes" and "talk about our days". It's so precious to have this little guy asking for details of my day and sharing his too. I absolutely love that time with him.

Oh, Sweet Roman, please don't ever grow up!

Three down, countless to go...

School morning good-byes that is. I cried again this morning! (Although not as much as the first two days.) I think the emotional aspect of it is magnified by life being difficult right now. If life in general is pushing my limits, saying good-bye to my baby in the morning is going to be even harder, right?

I took him to school this morning, for various reasons, then asked the teacher if she minded me hanging out for the first 15-20 minutes until I had to go to work. She graciously welcomed me in and I was a very happy observer. She is energetic and yet calm with the kids. She was very engaging with their morning routine and the kids were very responsive. I loved the cute morning things she does - calendar, weather, a counting activity based on how many school days there have been, etc. She encouraged participation and I loved seeing Trey get involved. I feel very confident in his teacher and thank God for that. This would be even harder if I didn't feel comfortable with her!

Tomorrow is pizza day at school and Trey asked tonight how to buy a lunch. I told him I was thinking about going to have lunch at school with him the first time he buys so that I can help him, then asked him if he wanted to do that or try it himself. He knows I'm working tomorrow and defninitely wants pizza, so he asked if I could just tell him instead! I'm sure this is one of those moments I need to let him grow up. After all, it is his school, they're not going to let him go hungry, right?

That said, I'm off to deposit money in his lunch account so he can buy for the first time tomorrow... sniff, sniff...

Kindergarten!

My journaling from Trey's first day of school:

August 27, 2009

Trey’s first day of school. He’s a kindergartner. How did we possibly get here? It seems impossible that he is five and a half years old!

I had to fill out tons of paperwork this week, and some of it asked about you as a person, Trey. I felt like I couldn’t put into words who you are. You’re such an amazing boy and I feel so blessed to have been trusted to be your mom. You are so smart and mature. You take things seriously, but oh can you have fun too! You’re so inquisitive I’m a little relieved to be sharing the question-answering with another adult! It’s amazing though. It’s like you’re always working puzzles out in your head, asking the questions you need to piece together how things work and why. I know you’ll do great things someday. I pray you’ll allow God to lead you where He wants you.

Back to today… we got up on schedule and things went so smoothly. Before I knew it we were walking out to the end of the driveway together – you and me, Roman, Daddy and Grandma. You were so handsome in your manly outfit, new shoes and full backpack. You were pretty serious, so I knew you were intent on what the day was to hold. I tried to give you as much information as I could knowing that a plan helps you manage things. I told you about the bus ride and how we would be at the school when you got there, about going to music class and lunch. I showed you which item in your lunch box was for afternoon snack and then reassured us both that Miss J would help you with whatever you needed.

When the bus finally came around the corner is when it hit me and the tears started to come. Your bus driver was smiling and waving, welcoming you onto the bus. You were brave and excited, although a little apprehensive. You climbed aboard though and waved from your seat until we couldn’t see you anymore.

Just a little later we were parked at the school and anxiously watching for your bus to arrive. I saw your face when you saw us there waiting for you. You were so happy to see us! More pictures of course, I think I took a hundred, and we were walking to your class. At this point I was less emotional, as I was focused on the things I needed to do and the people I needed to talk to. (Primarily the nurse about the blood sugar episodes you’ve had.) We said Hi to Miss J with you and watched from the doorway as you unpacked your backpack and put it where it belonged. Miss J was so welcoming and encouraging. Soon you were playing and we headed down the hall. I went in to see the nurse and didn’t find out until later that Daddy had gone back down the hall to peek in on you. I must admit I was a bit jealous that he got to see you again and see what you were doing.

The day went fast, there was plenty going on, but everything I did included thoughts of how you were doing, what you were doing, and how long until dismissal. And then, finally, it was time. I headed back to the school to pick you up, stopped in the nurse’s office again, and then headed to the gym where you were waiting. As I was asking someone what the procedures were I heard “MOMMY!” and you were running toward me with a huge grin! I can’t tell you the relief I felt to see you there smiling. I was never really worried that you would be safe, I just didn’t know if you were sad or nervous or scared. You were fine though! We sat down right there in the school so you could show me the papers in your bag. You were so proud of what you had done and wanted to tell me all about it just as badly as I wanted to know. I hope you’re always so eager to tell me about things!

As we were walking out of the school you calmly told me that you had been a little scared on the bus. It’s just like you to fight through the fear with your serious face, conquer it, and then tell us about it later. You’re a strong boy, Trey. I am so proud to be your mommy.